How the Pussies Stole Christmas
Remember March? I do. I have to look back past 9 months of death and loneliness — but I remember it.
I remember a number of states locked down and NY succumbed, spending weeks in the throes of unexpected illness, death and burial overload. But then about half of us flattened the curve and about half the nation tackled the problem.
Science deniers decried the alarm that we book-worm types expressed because “We never needed no stinking hospital ship. The president sent NYC a hospital ship and they never used it.”
What can I say? Seems believing in science turns even the strongest willed of us into little tiny pussies.
Well, the science deniers got their way — like all strong arm bullies do — for a while. And now parking garages and tents all across the nation are serving as hospitals. It ain’t just NYC anymore. It ain’t NYC as much at all. Nope, refrigerator trucks full of human meat… they’re everywhere.
For weeks leading up to November 3, the pussies, the nerds and the bookworms started mailing in their ballots (I admit, I was too chicken shit to risk dying for my “god given right to vote”). We trusted our democracy and our science and stayed the fuck away from viral contaminates and spittle laden mask deniers at our in-door voting places.
And we won.
Now the bullies are very publicly getting the vaccine first. The second denier in chief — the one who denies even the basic premise that women are equal — he got his inoculation on live TV!
Now what? Well, not happy with trying to save lives, the whining pussies have turned their sights to ruining Christmas. Poor Christ. Guess it’s not ok to let Jesus have a zoom birthday even though I had one this year and still felt loved.
Let me be the first to say, Jesus can handle it.
Seriously, these people who believe he was mutilated, tortured and killed for their sins, don’t think he can handle a little private one-on-one time to stop them from sinning some more. Murder’s still a sin, right? I thought so. But maybe I’m alone on that. Let’s face it, the Crusades never did make much sense to me, either.
So what’s really going on here? Let me tell you something about cheaters. They don’t get angry when they’re treated fairly. They redouble their efforts and run a new scam. What makes them angry is when their scams stop working.
A broken system installed a man who lost the popular vote as president. And that first scam led to a daily diet of ripoffs, grifting, con-jobs and cruelty. The nerds and the bookworms knew they’d have to really band together to overcome democracy’s hijacker (think flight 93) and when they did coalesce— the bullies called foul. Why? Because they couldn’t run their scam. Imagine how pissed those terrorists were to see that old Shankville stip mine coming at them at 300 miles an hour — instead of the White House.
No, the proud boys, nazis, and the populist cought up in their midst are angry now — and boohooing about Christmas — because the little kids with bandaids on their glasses and a stack of books under their arms came together and protected their lunch money. The 2016 scam — even as it grew — just wasn’t big enough to work again in 2020. How dare the stacked electoral college fail them — even after disproportionately killing off the people who don’t typically vote for white supremacists — people of color.
I’m an athiest. But setting that aside, I wish all of you who celebrate it, a very Merry Christmas. I hope you celebrate wisely. As for me? I’m gonna find somebody to be nice to — remotely of course — cause I think that’s what Jesus would have done.
